the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
