I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
