I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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