I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
