Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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