Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
