I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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