I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
