When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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