Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
