i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
