i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
