Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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