I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Randomize
