Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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