can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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