you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
