You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
