they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
