What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
