I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
