i barfeds in our rink
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
