How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
