Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
