whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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