I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
