Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
