We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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