Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Michael Bay diarrhea
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
