Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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