dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
