He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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