Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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