Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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