my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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