Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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