Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she pinky promised me she was 18
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize