how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
