Cold hands, warm shart.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
