I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
