I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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