You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
im six kinds of drunk right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
