Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
