I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize