I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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