I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
