I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Send help, water and tortillas.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
