Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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