Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
