3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
