If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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