HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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