4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it penis luge time yet?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
