Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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