I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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