He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
