Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
