If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
