Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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