I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
