Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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