I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
