Why are handjobs necessary in class?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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