I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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