you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
