Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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