pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
